Why I want to lose weight.

I made a list of Why I want to lose weight. I know there may be a few more things to add but this is what I have so far. 

I know there are things I need to change to get there. For one, I need to be more active. I sit on the couch alot. I can exercise during comercials. I want to utilize the exercise videos on demand. Every hour spend 10 min cleaning.  Spend time deep cleaning (you know cause that makes you sweat) and to be honest, having issues with depression I find it hard to be motivated to clean. Sometimes laundry is backed up. Or even though with 3 boys their bathroom needs cleaning and I just look at it and cringe. I know if I just add in exercise the weight would start dropping off. 

It's one of those things you can't just talk about it. You have to just do it.  

Never Good Enough.

I have turned this blog into weightloss mostly. I try to be up beat and positive for everyone.  Fact is I struggle. It bothers me when my MIL brings up a niece and how well SHE is doing at home schooling. It's like all my credit has been taken from me. My place isn't nice enough. Or clean enough. The kids have behavior problems but I work my ass off for them. To get them help they need. To keep up with homework.  She has 2 kids. You know I bet if I would have home schooled and if I do my son would have less problems.  I just don't feel good enough.

All 3 of my sisters are doing well for themselves. None struggle emotionally like I do. Or with their weight. I am often left out of family things because I don't socialize well they've become women with men and lives. And I have made so many mistakes. I have secluded myself. I spent my life trying to fit in, to be good enough. I accept I'm never going to be more than me.

I'm scared of weightloss.  It's been over 11 years since I last liked me. Since I felt sexy. Since I had confidence. I'm ready to lose weight, however long it takes. I know I'm not going to have the teenaged figure. And I've let my twenties slip by. And now I'm a woman 31 soon to worry about fine line and wrinkles. I'm scared to death of what's under this layer of fat. Will I look youthful? Or will I still be this frumpy tired looking  aging woman. Will I be good enough for me?

I will push on and push forward. As long as I don't let these thoughts sit on my mind they can't control my mind.

weigh in

I didn't get I picture this morning but I'll get one.  Yesterday at the doctor I was 289.....but not this morning .   How I feel? This would normally  disappoint me but I know as I become more active it will be easier to come off. 

I also read success stories some people take years to lose weight and some months. Losing weight isn't a race. I find myself more stressed when I have a date to lose weight by. I would take drastic measures just to make sure there was a loss on the scale. I didn't even want there to be the same number.  Another thing I do is dissappear in shame. Or quit participating. 

This is where loving yourself comes in. It's ok to make mistakes. What is one day, one week, one month. .....to the rest of your life? You can take it back. Or you can start now. Keep going!

Breast Readuction

September 25 2015

I had a breast reduction and lift. They took off around 8lbs.  I can tell now no matter the outcome I would still do the surgery. 

 Before 

 How much to be taken off. I never got nervous. 

After surgery .  Coming out of surgery I felt most pain but they put something for pain in my IV.  It really wasn't too bad. Take pain meds on time. DO AS DOCTOR SAYS.

I had a free nipple graph (nipple was completely taken off and put back on). This was 5 days after surgery recovery is just beginning. 

I had complications. Maybe if I would have stay still things would have healed quicker...2-3weeks

4-5 weeks there is finally some healing here

Where the butter fly stitches are I still have problems.  Also I have accepted the fact I have no nipples.

With trying to lose weight (which im having an off day today) i have a facebook group (losing weight and overcoming) where I mostly concentrate on health. But on weekends I concentrate on self. So I  Took sometime for my self and used some products I found around the house.  Made a face and hair mask and  relaxed.

with 3 boys having a spa day is alittle too much fun. Lol

I found myself impressed and my confidence boosted since usually my hair is limp and greasy looking :(.  

I will most definitely be having spa day again next time trying a scrub and an oil vs what I did use.  

Funny thing is ever since venturing with my diet into healthier venues. I want to try at home remedies for beauty.

Finally a change in life

After months of struggling with severe depression and weight gain. I can finally say there has been positive outcome in my life. With the help of taking meds regularly my attitude has improved greatly. I'm motivated and have kept up  with my Facebook group for weightloss  (losing weight and overcoming )  it's still new but a few friends and I are already have started losing weight.

I can't weight to start exercising with the heat gone and the beautiful autumn weather in. It's great family walking weather. Alas I had a breast reduction that is having trouble healing about a month ago. If only I could learn to sit still.

Going to have a breast Reduction

I know its been awhile. Alots happened and i will update here and there. But first. I was approved for a breast Reduction!  September 9th is post op and September 25th is the big day. I have been doing lots ove research on youtube watching videos of people who had the surgery and watching the actual surgery. I know afterwards i wont be able to sleep on my stomach and since i dont have a recliner i will need extra pillows so im laying in an inclined position. I have been planning meals and writing them down so in a few days i will shop and prepare/freeze meals. Lets seeee..... i need to make sure to have shirts that are button up easy accessable. I hope I'm not missing anything.