Been a while

My weight is up....290+  my meds are up.....im not sure what to write about. I feel detached from the world. I sleep more. I eat more. I complain more.
But lets talk about life. I raise chicken and 2 ducks. I have a cat and dog that run through the house and play with each other. ...oh i aquired a huge angora bunny. Its really fluffy. Its like a zoo here lol.
Ive started painting again paint by numbers.....i hate it. But im going to finish it even if it takes a month.
Thats all i got

Emotional pain

I dont understand why I hurt so bad emotionally. My heart hurts. Maybe its cause I absolutely need the Effexor.
No one understands. And here i am in tears again. My husbands afraid to leave me with the kids. I cant clean my body hurts, I'm gaining weight as I write. I cant control myself. I did finally get the medication I need but now I have to wait for it to work. I feel hopeless and alone. I don't want to do anything  I just sleep I want so bad to be positive and alive.

Hate

When you hate yourself so much for no reason.  You don't know why. No one else knows, nor do they know why,  nor can they fix it. Then you feel alone.