Explination of a mad woman

Man I swear this has been a struggle.  I think this is the first time in a while I feel some kind of decency. I wont say normal. I was able to fight off the sleepiness most of the day and then took a nap. Its not easy in the morning. I hate the slurred speech. I hate being stuck and that's what I am.  STUCK.  I know I'm a broken record but I just don't understand. How is it before January 18 I was normal (well normal enough)  and then a month later I've been through some horrid feelings of confusion, anxiety, depression, lost, alone, pathetic, incapable, jumbled, dumb, hazy, just insert a lot of negative words I probably felt them.

All I kept saying is I wanted out of that world. I wanted to escape and there was no way out. I was scared. It was/is so bad to the point that I felt I was unfit to be a mother. I wanted to get out as fast as possible. If I'm going to be completely honest I wasn't going to drink but I wanted to get away and get high with friends and laugh like teenagers. That's how bad I just wanted to feel normal. I was tired of crying and not knowing why. I'm sure that's terrible of me but you don't know what you'll think when your in the same situation as me.  It all happened fast. I was deteriorating mentally. I could no longer think. I could no longer speak clear sentences. I just wanted it to go away. This has all been life altering.

And what is worse some of this is medication related. So I get up in the morning and take the medicine, handfuls at a time, like candy.  I would take some for lunch then, then take some before bed....every day. Until, we figured out that I don't have depression I am just plain crazy. A schizophrenic crazy lady :) .  I think I can smile about it now. Which I'm supposing is a good sign.
But they took me off the candy that had me feeling all sorts of  loopy and were treating individual symptoms to just 2 that are better for what I have. thank goodness.  I'm guessing that's why my head feels clearer now.  The only thing is in the morning until like 2 I'm fighting off sleep so nothing is easy for me.

I just miss the diet pills. I can see the change in my eating habits already. I hope I can get back on track before I start gaining weight.  But this hasn't been easy

and now I cant remember what I was going to say...