Since there's noone else I can talk to being silent is part of what is sending me into a depression that led me to this stupid funk almost 1 year ago. I am silenced with no outlet. I can't talk to sher because she is like Dr jekyll and Mr Hyde in real life. You never know which person you get.... she leaves me constantly stressed. Josh I know lies about stuff...money. how is Geting weed.....if he is still taking pills. Maybe I'm just crazy at this point.... (my only clues pill bottle with label peeled off and blood sugar testing strip container, he spend alot of time with an elderly man in the past I caught him looking for pills and his pills went up missing before) I don't tell Joe anything anymore. ...I think I lost my credibility. But josh would get depressed and shut down and it wouldn't help anyway. I wish we worked together.....I wish when I asked him to help me he would. Like we could work on being healthy together. He never follows through with anything. I wish josh would quit smoking....josh jr has found his "stuff" twice in the last 6 weeks.... (his response was I thought you didn't smoke "leaves" daddy) they still smoke it in the house. I wish he would quit. I know he wouldn't do it for me. If he did it for me he would just lie and do it behind my back.
I can't talk to my family bc they would want me to leave him. Can't talk to my friend because she couldn't be friends with me because of her military clearance. I think about telling Karry. ...but I see the words getting twisted and Joe saying you need to work things out and Noone really understanding. .....I can't tell my counselor cause of dfcs. I am not happy.......I keep waiting for the day it gets better.
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