Christmas is hard for me

I wish I would have taken before pics of the car my parents let me have for Christmas.  A window was left open and the back seat was filed was mildew and because the car was packed under trees it was grey instead of white. I mean come on. If this is my CHRISTMAS PRESANT make it nicer....she just sees it as doing me a favor.

I have a complex of feeling not good enough.  Feeling low class. She, my mother has always put me there. 

I had went through 3 weeks of severe depression. I slept and was exhausted. I don't remember much. But after going to the doc....a few days later I came out of the depression and I'm experiencin something else. My anxiety is kicking in over time. I've been crying more. I know the type of depression I have is what ended Robin Williams life.  The only thing that keeps me going are my kids. .... I felt self destructive the other day. 

I screwed up and told my husband parents something out of anger....well its more that he doesn't listen to me. I feel I'm married to a teenager instead of a partner.  I can't explain on here.  I just want things to be different.  I also found out he is still taking pain pills...the elderly man says he only gives 1 or 2 a month....but if my husband takes that how do I know he's not taking more? I don't know what to do.