March 17th was my 31st year of life. Oh how I always hated it. Depression over took me. Every year I would stress over being made special or feeling special on my bday. My one day of year. I stressed over the thought of not feeling satisfied with MY day. The fact anothet year passed....was i good enough to just be happy.
I am comming to be greatful of my sickness. ...Schizophrenia. Probably the meds doing, but this year there was no caring (doesn't say much I'm still learn just to care for myself dressing, ect) My birthday came and I was happy. I spent time with my loved ones. I talked. I laughed. I was genuinely happy for the first time in 31 well 18 years....
And I have closure with my mom. She wrote in my bday card " i know we dont tell you alot, but i think of you and your always in our hearts...."
I was so touched.
This diseases has been a blessing. It opened my mothers eyes. And i overall feel like i was broken.. but being mended. To love myself for the first time.
what a powerful feeling
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