I am so depressed. Fighting with the husband. I don't even know why I'm upset. I think I'm getting use to my medicine. I keep having thoughts of hurting myself. The high I felt yesterday like I assumed would disapate did just that. and i am back in a low. Im angry. I feel empty and alone. I hate myself. I hate everyone. I want to rip my skin off. This is just a vicious cycle that I can predict before it happens. I know a high will end and i harm myself the only way I can get away with. With food. I turn into a zombie almost none responsive.
Ten minutes later after this today....thanks to a child like heart i was so ecstatic to hearthe bellowing horns of Bull Frogs at my neighbors pool. From there the evening was family watching movies till bed and husband requesting us to work together or talk.
I just go so crazy. I dont know if I'm coming or going or what the hell is going on. I just realize symptoms. ....like the parinoia. Or triggers to my ptsd.
None of this is easy.
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